Yesterday, I hit my limit. I just couldn’t deal with all the stress any more. I sent a text to my mom “I am going to put in my notice tomorrow”. I cried a little, from stress, from fear. She said they love me and support me. I know my parents probably thought I was being real or ill prepared. Quitting without having a job lined up or any actual plan. It was pretty much a decision of of need to just stop doing what is making me unhappy. ASAP.
This morning, I had a dentist appointment to get a cavity fixed. Small one, pretty quick fix but still required Novocaine or whatever it is they give you these days. The whole lower right side was all numb and stayed that way for a few hours. Not a big deal but added a little more weight to the day.
When I got home it was about 10:30am. Which means it was 8:30am PDT, my boss would be starting work soon. Is it time to send The Email?
Did I want to do this? Could I afford to do it? I have savings, but did I want to dig into them? What are my prospects of getting another job? My thought was to take a few months off, learn new things, then look for a new job. But am I sure??!?!
I sent the email.
My boss’ first messages of the day were asking about a project. One of my stresses because it isn’t going well. I knew he hadn’t yet seen The Email. But he had just gotten back from a week of PTO; I knew he was swamped in backlog. So I waited while contemplating if I should tell him to look for my email. I decided not to, it would be weird right?!
During a one on one with an employee, I finally got the message I was expecting. “I just saw your email. Let’s chat.” I let him know it would be a few minutes as I took a deep breath. Oh crap… This is happening. I’ve done it.
Logged in to my video chat room and waited. Eventually he was able to join me. Another deep breath. I cried a bit while explaining what I have been feeling. It made me feel good that his eyes were a little red. Of course, that could have been smoke irritation, he is in Bay area but I really think it was emotional response to my pain.
The upshot is he really doesn’t want to lose me and asked what can we do to change my job. They are going to find some one to step in and be the manager. And I can go back to being an IC (individual contributor). And he asked that I wait to make a final decision, to give him time to adjust and work out those changes.
So I did it, but then I took it back. The thought of being without a job right now was very scary. I will hold off for now. But I know if it doesn’t get better or if I still am not satisfied after the changes happen, the option is still on the table.
I can choose to be happy.