As the tagline says “I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up”. When I was in my 20s, I worked at a parcel delivery company, a long distance phone company, then the local library. I thought about going for a library degree because I love books but finally I went back to school in South Dakota (Go ‘Yotes!) for Computer Science. It was too far away from home & friends, so I came back & started working for a website – a cash back website. For the first 5 years, I was a customer service agent.
When we got acquired by another cash back site, I was hired to be a Junior Dev. We were acquired again and I have been promoted a few times along the way. Which is awesome and wonderful and I have learned so very much in the last 8 years. But being with the same company for 13 years – ok 3 companies but with all the same people – is a LONG time. I have been very lucky in coworkers – most have generously offered their knowledge.
But I am beginning to feel stuck – dead in the water. There is a lot of change going on – changes to organizational structure and several exits. We’ve gone to something called squads – and some people do not like the change at all. Honestly, it doesn’t feel that different from our old structure because our office has always been a bit independent. But now I sometimes feel that too much is being asked of us and we’re on our own. If I ask very explicitly – I am offered answers or assistance – which is great. But everyone else has their priorities and if I don’t know exactly what to ask – I am left in the cold. I don’t know how to make it better for myself or for my employees. Yep, they made me a manager and I don’t know what I am doing most of the time.
In the current climate, COVID-19 and social unrest, I want to do something more, BE something more. I don’t want to just exist anymore – going along with whatever is being asked. What does the next phase look like. Do I just take time off and worry about the rest later – I do have savings I could use to survive? Do I freelance – build a clientele? Do I work for myself – build a game or a site? I have a game that I am trying to build in React – maybe I can swing it into income. That would be epic but probably like playing the lottery – I would have to be very lucky. If I build a site – what does it do? But it feels a bit stupid to even contemplate all of this while the world is going through hell.
Also, I would like to relocate. I have been thinking of going south – get out of the snow. At least from this enforced social distancing we have all learned we can keep in touch with technology. So if I put all my stuff in storage and took Murdock to the Carolina coast, at least I could stay in touch. And plenty of jobs are offering remote – as we have proved in last few months that it is possible and sometimes preferable to work from home.
I know I need to move from my current apartment, because I didn’t re-sign the lease. I have been waffling between go and no-go. Do I rent an apartment here for a few months or do I go now before the snow inevitably comes. I can probably keep working my current job at least for awhile but…. do I want to?
If you got this far and didn’t bail from the whining – thanks!